Sexuality is more than sex.

Although it’s likely that we grew up thinking about “sex ed” as the mechanics of reproduction and birth (and sometimes how to prevent it), sexuality education refers to all aspects of our reproduction, gender, sexual orientation, and the relationships and dynamics that surround our relationships with others. This list includes many additional topics that kids develop attitudes and values about, often at an early age: anatomy, consent, boundaries, romantic relationships, communicating with a partner gender, sexual orientation, and pleasure. In our digital age, this expands to sexting, pornography, and digital communication. For recommendations on where to get started, review our Parent Planners for each age group.

Avoiding the conversation is also communication about sex.

Many people are uncomfortable talking about sex with their kids. The main reasons for this are because: adults are worried they don’t know the answer, their kids aren’t developmentally ready, and parents feel uncomfortable. When parents avoid discussing sex, teens feel closed off from important and reliable information. When you choose not to have critical conversations, kids are still learning about sex, but they’re learning that it’s something that your family doesn’t talk about, or it’s shameful or bad, and they will likely seek information from less reliable sources. Check out these simple and helpful videos from Amaze.org with tips on building your comfort in talking more.

Start small and gain confidence.

Committing to having positive and proactive conversations about sex doesn’t mean that you have to start at the deep end. Start where you feel comfortable, whether it’s explaining diverse families, or that most boys have a penis and most girls have a vulva, or even, that it’s okay to say no to hugs and kisses from family members you don’t want. The more often you talk, you’re letting your child know that you’re a trusted adult they can come to for answers. All conversations about sexuality, even small ones, normalize talking about it in safe and positive ways in your family.

Clarify your own values about sex.

We all have values about sex (and not just about when it’s the right time for the first time), and talks about sexuality should include values as much as facts. It’s important to think about your values around various aspects of sexuality, and consider how you might communicate those values to the kids you care for as part of these conversations. To prepare, consider where you might fall on some of the following value statements. (Check out our newly released values exercise related to Puberty changes, here and one related to preschool age kids here!) If you’re ready, also consider what influenced many of your own values. It may be that they were based on generational differences, religion, or are rooted in bias about gender, sexuality, or race, and those influences are important to explore. This video from amaze.org is a great starting place to explore how you might share your values in conversation.