What to Say When Your Child is Touching their Genitals

As a sexuality educator, I can talk at length about how genital touching is normal, that it’s developmentally appropriate for many young kids, and how it’s an opportunity to introduce medically accurate words about their reproductive organs. But, nothing quite compares you for the first time you see your own little one touching their genitals.

Wondering what to say to your little one when this happens for the first time? It’s essential that when you address genital touching with your kids, you provide shame-free messages. Below are a few suggestions for how to addressing genital touching in a supportive and positive way. Adjust for age and your own families values, as needed:

• Sometimes we touch our own private parts (ie, a penis or a vulva) because it can feel good. It’s okay to touch your own body.   

• The place that you might be touching that feels good is called the vulva or penis.

• Although this behavior is okay to do in private, by yourself, it’s not okay to do in public, when you’re with others.

• Although you can touch yourself, it’s never okay to touch another person’s penis or vulva.  It’s never okay to touch another person on any part of their body without asking.

• If someone ever touches your body without asking, especially your private parts, it’s important to tell me.

• Share this simple video, “Body Parts are Private” from Amaze.org as a conversation starter.

If you want to learn more about whether your child’s genital touching is normal, or is cause for concern, take a look at this reference from Healthychildren.org, run by the American Academy of Pediatrics.